little brother
It was like any other Sunday. Steve and Danny left in the morning to go to church and some other meetings while I stayed home in my pajamas all alone. My usual Sunday routine went like this -- lay in bed until lunchtime. Go to the bathroom, grab some food, and move to the couch downstairs. Lay on couch until Steve gets home... then keep laying on couch, but with good company. You get the picture. Last Sunday was particularly long because Steve left a few hours before church for meetings, and stayed an hour and a half after church for another meeting. I texted him around 3pm to see when he'd be home, he said he was wrapping up a meeting and would be back soon. So, excited for him to come home, I decided to go upstairs and get my clothes on for the day. I grabbed my stretchy pants and leaned over to put them on and "Whoosh!" -- a warm rush of liquid ran down my leg. I immediately thought, "Oh crap, I peed my pants. I'm such a pathetic loser!", but when I grabbed the rush of liquid and looked down, I realized I was in trouble. It wasn't pee, it was blood. A big huge gush of blood. Immediately all precaution was thrown out the window as I raced downstairs to get my phone. I called Steve in a panic, "Steve, come home right now. We need to go to the hospital. I just started bleeding -- a lot." He basically just said, "Are you serious?! Ok I'm on my way." He hopped into the car, raced home, and I sat outside for him to pull up. I took about 1/2 second to jump into the car and we were on our way.
Now, this may seem a little dramatic. Bleeding happens. But, with placenta previa, the risk of hemorrhaging was a serious concern. I could bleed internally, the placenta could stop delivering nutrients to the baby, and BAD... I mean REALLY BAD things could happen.
I called the hospital to let them know we were coming. Since I was admitted in January (blah!), all I had to do was tell them my name and a nurse met me to get my changed and checked. At this point, Steve and I were mostly just emotional because we knew that this meant I'd be staying in the hospital until delivery -- possibly 3 1/2 weeks. I had such a hard time being hospitalized last time for just a week that the thought of being on hospital bedrest was just very overwhelming. We were expecting nothing more than bad news of being admitted and put on a regime of monitors, bedpans, and sponge baths.
The nurse set me up and immediatly the doctor on call, Dr. Han, came in to do an exam. She took one look at my cervix and said, "Ok, we are going to have to deliver your baby now."
Right when the doc told us that, Steve looked up from his phone (he was texting family to let them know what was going on) and blankly stared back at me. We both locked eyes and, in shock, said "Ok..." We were stunned. Steve was scared. I was confused. The doc explained that my cervix was opening and I as actively bleeding, with no sign of it stopping. Within seconds we had 4 or 5 different nurses rushing in and out, hooking me up to all sorts of IV's, asking me 100 questions, getting Steve in his scrubs, making me take different medicines to prep for surgery. It was a whirlwind. The anesthesiologist came in and rushed through his explanation of the spinal anesthesia, and explained that I was "tachycardic", and unless my heart rate regulated, I would need to be put under general anesthia (asleep). So, I tried my best to relax, take deep breaths, and finally my heart rate cooperated. From the time we arrived at the hospital to the time we entered the operating room, only about 30 minutes had passed. It seemed like 10 people in masks and scrubs were surrounding me as the anesthesiologist administered the anesthesia and I became numb. Within 10 minutes, Steve said, "Look, Bec, he's out!" The doc pulled down the curtain just enough so I could see him the second he was born, then the curtain (thankfully) was drawn back up. Mason Gregory Lowe (his eventual name) was born on February 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm weighing 4 lbs 7 oz and 17 inches tall. The NICU team wrapped him up, brought him to my face for about 5 seconds, then whisked him away to the NICU.
Apparently I lost a lot of blood -- at least that is what every doctor and nurse that comes in to check on me says. Toward the end of the surgery, the part where they remove the placenta, clean out the uterus, stitch everything back up, etc, I got a little fuzzy. Steve said I was kind of out of it. My body felt heavy and achey. I could feel the doctors hands up under my ribs. It was a terrible feeling. I don't recommend it. After the surgery, they wheeled me up into the recovery room. The rest of that day is a little blurry, to be honest. I remember Steve was there. My dad was there. They got to go see Mason while I layed in bed. I think we chatted awhile, too. Now, looking back, I realize I must have been really out of commission, because I can't hardly remember a thing about that evening! I do remember, however, that about 10 hours after Mason was born (4am the next morning), my nurse helped me into a wheelchair so I could go to the NICU and see my son. Seeing that tiny angel was the most amazing experience.
He was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. A heart rate monitor, an oxygen monitor, breathing tubes, IV's, and bandaids covered his tiny 4lb 7oz body. He looked so incredibly helpless. And, as his mother, I felt helpless, too. It is so hard to watch your little one struggle and not have the ability to help. We were asked not to even touch him or rub his skin because he was so sensitive that when we would touch him, his heart rate would jump up and cause him to stress. But, overall, he was a healthy and strong 32 week old baby!
The past few days have been mostly positive -- Mason has progressed rapidly. The first day he moved from one oxygen system to a more intense one for a little while, and he had a problem with the air sacs in his lungs being underdeveloped and collapsing. Luckily, modern medicine saved the day. The doctors inserted a tube through his windpipe down into his lungs so they could administer a medicine called "surfectant" to aid the air sacs in opening more easily and to prevent them from collapsing. He also was given a special IV that was inserted in both the vein and artery in his umbilical cord/belly button to deliver greater amounts of nutrients than the standard IV (which he also has in his arm). Because this cord was inserted into a major vein and artery, it made it very dangerous for us to hold or handle him at all. Any bump or tug could compromise the connection and cause serious bleeding. Obviously, we didn't want that to happen -- so, after they were able to remove the belly button IV, today was our first time holding the little man! It was incredible. Steve and I just couldn't believe he was finally in our arms. Although the snuggle sesh was short (he had to be put under the bilirubin lights -- he's jaundiced, too), we were so grateful to be able hold him against our chests, snuggle our noses up next to his, and feel his sweet breath on our faces.
As for me, well... let's just say being on bed rest for almost 2 months prior to a csection is not ideal. Before the csection, I would ache walking from my bed to the bathroom. I had become a vegetable. My muscles had atrophied, my back was a mess, and I barely had the muscle strength to stand 10 minutes in the shower. So, you can imagine how hard it has been to get up and walk, stand, shower, roll onto my side, etc. Since I can't stand up straight (obviously, there is a huge gash across my belly), it is exhausting my non-existent back muscles to get me to stand or walk. I have to stop, bend over, and hold onto something every few steps so I don't collapse. But, overall, I can confidently say that I feel better than I ever did when I was pregnant! Yes, my body is falling apart. Yes, it is very painful. But, seriously, I feel an immediate change for good. My mood has improvoed (pretty sure I was a bit depressed while on bed rest), my nausea is gone, and I don't spend every second worrying that I'm going to erupt with blood and the baby will be at risk. I know Mason is finally safe. I know I will heal quickly and get back to a somewhat normal life. I know that I can now spend time with my little Danny. I know Steve will finally feel some relief from the anxiety and responsibility he has been burdened with these past few months with me on bedrest.. The blessings are so amazing.
Welp, I've gotta pump (more on the postpartum and NICU stay later.) We are so grateful for all the nice comments and support! Thank you for your prayers and continued love. XOXO.
Now, this may seem a little dramatic. Bleeding happens. But, with placenta previa, the risk of hemorrhaging was a serious concern. I could bleed internally, the placenta could stop delivering nutrients to the baby, and BAD... I mean REALLY BAD things could happen.
I called the hospital to let them know we were coming. Since I was admitted in January (blah!), all I had to do was tell them my name and a nurse met me to get my changed and checked. At this point, Steve and I were mostly just emotional because we knew that this meant I'd be staying in the hospital until delivery -- possibly 3 1/2 weeks. I had such a hard time being hospitalized last time for just a week that the thought of being on hospital bedrest was just very overwhelming. We were expecting nothing more than bad news of being admitted and put on a regime of monitors, bedpans, and sponge baths.
The nurse set me up and immediatly the doctor on call, Dr. Han, came in to do an exam. She took one look at my cervix and said, "Ok, we are going to have to deliver your baby now."
Right when the doc told us that, Steve looked up from his phone (he was texting family to let them know what was going on) and blankly stared back at me. We both locked eyes and, in shock, said "Ok..." We were stunned. Steve was scared. I was confused. The doc explained that my cervix was opening and I as actively bleeding, with no sign of it stopping. Within seconds we had 4 or 5 different nurses rushing in and out, hooking me up to all sorts of IV's, asking me 100 questions, getting Steve in his scrubs, making me take different medicines to prep for surgery. It was a whirlwind. The anesthesiologist came in and rushed through his explanation of the spinal anesthesia, and explained that I was "tachycardic", and unless my heart rate regulated, I would need to be put under general anesthia (asleep). So, I tried my best to relax, take deep breaths, and finally my heart rate cooperated. From the time we arrived at the hospital to the time we entered the operating room, only about 30 minutes had passed. It seemed like 10 people in masks and scrubs were surrounding me as the anesthesiologist administered the anesthesia and I became numb. Within 10 minutes, Steve said, "Look, Bec, he's out!" The doc pulled down the curtain just enough so I could see him the second he was born, then the curtain (thankfully) was drawn back up. Mason Gregory Lowe (his eventual name) was born on February 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm weighing 4 lbs 7 oz and 17 inches tall. The NICU team wrapped him up, brought him to my face for about 5 seconds, then whisked him away to the NICU.
Apparently I lost a lot of blood -- at least that is what every doctor and nurse that comes in to check on me says. Toward the end of the surgery, the part where they remove the placenta, clean out the uterus, stitch everything back up, etc, I got a little fuzzy. Steve said I was kind of out of it. My body felt heavy and achey. I could feel the doctors hands up under my ribs. It was a terrible feeling. I don't recommend it. After the surgery, they wheeled me up into the recovery room. The rest of that day is a little blurry, to be honest. I remember Steve was there. My dad was there. They got to go see Mason while I layed in bed. I think we chatted awhile, too. Now, looking back, I realize I must have been really out of commission, because I can't hardly remember a thing about that evening! I do remember, however, that about 10 hours after Mason was born (4am the next morning), my nurse helped me into a wheelchair so I could go to the NICU and see my son. Seeing that tiny angel was the most amazing experience.
He was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. A heart rate monitor, an oxygen monitor, breathing tubes, IV's, and bandaids covered his tiny 4lb 7oz body. He looked so incredibly helpless. And, as his mother, I felt helpless, too. It is so hard to watch your little one struggle and not have the ability to help. We were asked not to even touch him or rub his skin because he was so sensitive that when we would touch him, his heart rate would jump up and cause him to stress. But, overall, he was a healthy and strong 32 week old baby!
The past few days have been mostly positive -- Mason has progressed rapidly. The first day he moved from one oxygen system to a more intense one for a little while, and he had a problem with the air sacs in his lungs being underdeveloped and collapsing. Luckily, modern medicine saved the day. The doctors inserted a tube through his windpipe down into his lungs so they could administer a medicine called "surfectant" to aid the air sacs in opening more easily and to prevent them from collapsing. He also was given a special IV that was inserted in both the vein and artery in his umbilical cord/belly button to deliver greater amounts of nutrients than the standard IV (which he also has in his arm). Because this cord was inserted into a major vein and artery, it made it very dangerous for us to hold or handle him at all. Any bump or tug could compromise the connection and cause serious bleeding. Obviously, we didn't want that to happen -- so, after they were able to remove the belly button IV, today was our first time holding the little man! It was incredible. Steve and I just couldn't believe he was finally in our arms. Although the snuggle sesh was short (he had to be put under the bilirubin lights -- he's jaundiced, too), we were so grateful to be able hold him against our chests, snuggle our noses up next to his, and feel his sweet breath on our faces.
As for me, well... let's just say being on bed rest for almost 2 months prior to a csection is not ideal. Before the csection, I would ache walking from my bed to the bathroom. I had become a vegetable. My muscles had atrophied, my back was a mess, and I barely had the muscle strength to stand 10 minutes in the shower. So, you can imagine how hard it has been to get up and walk, stand, shower, roll onto my side, etc. Since I can't stand up straight (obviously, there is a huge gash across my belly), it is exhausting my non-existent back muscles to get me to stand or walk. I have to stop, bend over, and hold onto something every few steps so I don't collapse. But, overall, I can confidently say that I feel better than I ever did when I was pregnant! Yes, my body is falling apart. Yes, it is very painful. But, seriously, I feel an immediate change for good. My mood has improvoed (pretty sure I was a bit depressed while on bed rest), my nausea is gone, and I don't spend every second worrying that I'm going to erupt with blood and the baby will be at risk. I know Mason is finally safe. I know I will heal quickly and get back to a somewhat normal life. I know that I can now spend time with my little Danny. I know Steve will finally feel some relief from the anxiety and responsibility he has been burdened with these past few months with me on bedrest.. The blessings are so amazing.
Welp, I've gotta pump (more on the postpartum and NICU stay later.) We are so grateful for all the nice comments and support! Thank you for your prayers and continued love. XOXO.
Comments
It'll probably take a while to stand up straight again, at least it did me. One word of advice. don't try to vacuum for a while.. it doesn't feel good! Love you all.