my mind is racing

I have a "complete placenta previa". No way out for the little guy!

My mind is racing tonight. I made a terrible, terrible mistake. No, I didn't get up to make a sandwich or open a window or turn on the light. I am not that stupid, haha.

I googled "placenta previa."

I thought I'd just brush up on my knowledge, keep myself informed, and possibly get some peace of mind by reading about how "common" and normal this condition is. Not a bueno idea. Let me just give you a snapshot of what I gathered from reading these articles:

• "Risks to the mother include: Major bleeding (hemorrhage), Shock, Death. Other risks: Blood clots, Infection, Need for blood transfusions."
• "Risks to the baby include: Blood loss in the baby, Death."
• "The biggest risk is severe bleeding that can be life threatening to the mother and baby... your baby may need to be delivered early, before major organs, such as the lungs, have developed."
• "... massive bleeding and the need for multiple blood transfusions at delivery. It can be life threatening and require a hysterectomy to control the bleeding."
• "You'll still need to deliver by c-section because the placenta can bleed profusely as the cervix dilates."
• "If both you and your baby are in good condition (during your hospital stay)... you may be sent home. But it's likely for the bleeding to start again, and you'll need to return to the hospital immediately."

Now, I promise I'm not trying to be a "debbie downer", but this is pretty frightening material. I know the doctors all informed me of these risks, but it just resonates so much more when I see it in writing, and from multiple sources. PLUS, this seemingly "common" condition only affects 1 in 200 pregnant women (of which the majority are over 35, have had previous c-sections, have had multiple children, use cocaine, are pregnant with multiples, have had previous uterine surgeries, or smoke cigarettes.) Lucky me -- I miraculously fit into none of those categories.


Now, I feel like I need to take a deep breath and play the "gratitude game."

• Steve is amazing. You would be hard-pressed to find another husband who would go to the lengths that he has!
• Danny has a grandma who takes very good care of him... almost every day! He loves her!
• I'm home. It may not be for much longer, but at least I'm one of the few who made it home for awhile. 
• My hospital room was/will be large, private, and bright. Not the most depressing hospital room I've seen ;)
• The baby is very active, healthy, and strong (and measuring 4 days ahead of schedule -- good boy!)
• I've made it past 28 weeks, which is great as far as lung development goes.
• The people in my life are amazing: I am totally spoiled with visits, notes, care packages, meals, treats, phone calls, and prayers.
• My heating pad is HOT. It is the only way to relieve the back, hip, and shoulder pain from lying down. ALL. DAY.
• My magazine collection, thanks to generous donors :), is a mile high.
• Did I mention Steve??? I could just cry thinking about how much he does for me and for Danny. He is super mom, super dad, super nurse, and superman.

Last but not least, for history's sake, here is what a usual day in the life of bed rest looks like.

7:00am-11:00am -- Hang out in bed. Chat with Danny. Watch "Go, Diego, Go!" Say goodbye   to Danny and/or Steve. Watch lots and lots of Netflix.

11:00am-8:00pm -- Slowly walk to couch. Alternate between websites like FB, FoxNews, Blogger, Gmail, and Pinterest. Watch lots of FoxNews, HGTV, Bravo, E!,  FoodNetwork, and TLC. Eat lunch (Steve makes me a food tray and leaves it next to the couch every morning.) Flip through magazines. Take a nap. Stare out window. Think about life.

8:00pm -- Go back to bed. Play Words with Friends with Steve. Watch Netflix with Steve. Go to sleep. Wake up and repeat.

Well, wish me at least 7-8 weeks of baby-baking time! I'll be here, on the couch (or in bed.) Woot!

PS -- I haven't been outside in 14 days. With this beautiful weather, that is just wrong! Oh well!